IMPORTANT SETANTA UPDATE

Setanta are no longer trading in Great Britain. We are unable to answer any of your stupid enquiries. Please bugger off and leave us alone.

PS: You are not getting any of your money back.

Setanta Sent for Early Bath

Although I have not registered my thoughts on Setanta through any form of recordable medium, I am proud to announce that I called their demise some time ago. From its inception, the Southern Irish broadcaster has adopted a bullish and aggressive marketing strategy. In one of their earlier advertising campaigns, I can clearly recall how they proudly announced that "only Setanta, not Sky" possessed the British broadcasting rights to show the USPGA golf tournament. Err, really? No offence to the USPGA, but even if it was on terrestrial TV I probably wouldn't bother with it, never mind Sky. And this has proved a feature of their existence - they have attempted to muscle their way into a market which just doesn't exist in the long term. Rangers against Celtic is one thing, but who the hell cares about Falkirk versus Hibernian other than the few supporters of those clubs? In the Premier League, Setanta only had the rights to the lower band games i.e. not involving any of the so called big four, whose games Sky have the rights to. Realistically, the only games worth spending big on are those involving Rangers, Celtic, Liverpool, Man Utd, Chelsea and Arsenal. Any games not involving those clubs are quite frankly unprofitable and should be left to the terrestrial stations.

It is the general air of desperation and dishonesty about Setanta's tactics that bothers me. I know many people who have had great difficulty in cancelling their subscription, one of whom was forced to call their 'customer service' department on no less than 6 occassions, mainly due to the fact that the "disconnection documents" (whatever they are) were apparently sent to the wrong address not once but twice.  The straw that broke the camels back, however, was surely their decision not to sell on the broadcasting rights for the highlights of a crucial Croatia v England World Cup qualifier to a terrestrial broadcaster. This was generally perceived as a public relations disaster and probably did more than anything to convince potential subscribers (who were by now making household spending cuts due to the recession) that Sky was the safer and better option given the choice between the two.

Perhaps the most surprising aspect of this sorry episode is that bodies such as the SPL, Premier League and Football Association have apparently been willing to put so much faith in these cowboys, despite the lessons of the ITV Digital disaster. I for one am delighted that this appears to be the end of the road for Setanta, although sadly the many football clubs who rely on their television payments will not feel the same. The rumour in Scotland is that ESPN, the global sports network owned by the Disney Corporation, could acquire the unpaid broadcasting rights for the SPL. If so, it may be only a matter of weeks before we see Rangers and Celtic fighting in out in the Mickey Mouse League - quite literally!

Broadfoot Left With Egg On His Face

Rangers star Kirk Broadfoot may miss Rangers' crucial final 2 games of the season, not because of a groin strain, tight hamstring or any other normal footballers injury, but because of an exploding egg! The rugged defender, 24, was left with severe burns to his face after an egg he was poaching in the microwave exploded.  Broadfoot was apparently showered with boiling water, shattered glass and hot egg when he removed the bowl from the microwave. Reports suggest that the quick thinking Ayrshire man immediately plunged his face under the cold water tap to relieve the painful burns. 

Broadfoot is not alone in suffering an egg related injury. The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents says that 500 Britons a years are admitted to hospital after "egg related incidents". They have used Broadfoot's case to highlight the importance of taking extra care when dealing with boiling water in a microwave. Broadfoot is expected to make a full recovery from his scalds, but perhaps next time he should follow my fail safe poached egg recipe from Down and Out which involves no microwaves.

Expenses Row - Time to Move On?

I must admit the MP's expense controversy is really beginning to get on my breasts. It has been the main news item for the past 5 or 6 days which I find quite extraordinary. Obviously there are weaknesses in the system which need to be rectified. Is it really that shocking to hear that politicians have been up to some dodgy antics? Let's leave it for an independent body, agreed by all parties, to come up with some recommendations and we can all have a discussion about it. Agreed? Right, let's move on and have some REAL news.

Carlisle Staring Relegation In The Face

Carlisle United enter the final round of fixtures this Saturday knowing that failure to pick up 3 points will see them relegated to the 4th tier of English League football. Their opponents are Millwall, a side who will be equally eager for the win that may provide them with an easier two games in the Play-Offs (against either Scunthorpe or Tranmere - who face each other- rather than Leeds United).

It is a sorry tale for the Cumbrians following last seasons narrow failure to win automatic promotion to the Championship on the last day. Worryingly, their fate is not in their own hands. Even a win may not be enough, should Brighton win at home to Stockport and Northampton pick up a point at Leeds. The scenario mirrors the final day of the 1999 season when on-loan goalkeeper Jimmy Glass converted a dramatic injury time winner against Plymouth, sparking wild scenes of celebration and euphoria on the Brunton Park pitch. For Carlisle's loyal band of followers that will be nothing more than a distant memory if they fail to beat the Lions on Saturday afternoon. I for one will be keeping a very keen eye on proceedings.

Down But Not Out

I would like to apologise to my loyal cluster of readers for the lack of activity on DAOILAL over the past few weeks. Regrettably, most of my time is being taken up with seeking alternative employment having recently been given notice of potential redundancy. Down and Out has thus had to take a back seat I'm afraid. I am now a government statistic, another victim of the global recession. Nevermind. I have been reassured that this is all part of lifes rich tapestry and no doubt I will ultimately look back on this set back as a positive experience, and one which I can learn from.

On the plus side I can look forward to: lie-ins everyday, watching The Wright Stuff/Working Lunch, the ability to spend all night boozing without worrying about work, browsing the internet, drinking endless cups of tea, catching up on unread or unfinished novels, spending more time in the kitchen honing my cookery skills, camping, going to the library and house sitting for friends or relatives. Some people I know have been doing these things for the past 6 years. Thank God for redundancy!

April 15th, 1989.